Spent a few days at the Fringe in Edinburgh. Tried to see a few things but actually only saw one show! AND IT WASN'T EVEN THE ONE I WENT THROUGH FOR!
Basically I wanted to go to the Museum of Modern Art to see Tracey Emin's 20 year Retrospective. That was Plan A. It was also the only Plan.
However what happened was a whole pile of awesome. Clare and I got through to Edinburgh and went to the hotel who said we were too early for check-in so we headed out towards Princes Street and then the Royal Mile, got some lunch in The Mitre (good food) and had a pint, headed down the Royal Mile, Grassmarket to Armstrongs where I had to resist spending a lot of money and Clare didn't, she got a sexy white waistcoat. Then along the Cowgate to Bristo Square where one of the most famous skatespots in Britain has been turned into a giant upside down cow. Went to see Joan Rivers, was going to cost us £50 so politely said no. Then a scalper offered us Joan Rivers tickets......for £50. That guy sucked at life. Then a ray of sunshine! A young girl bounded over and handed us a flyer for a guy named Jarleth Regan! Who you may ask? A fine young Irish Comic playing at the Teviot Ballroom. Success we decided to go see if he is any good since he has rave reviews on his flyer (doesn't everyone?).
Quick drink in Doctors before the show and off we go.
Good.
The room was so hot we were given hand fans to cool us down.
Not good.
Jarleth Regan comes out and struggles with epic feedback and a broken mic.
Not good.
Luckily he gets the mic sorted and the show starts proper. This guy is funny. Really funny. Several times a laughed so hard a bit dribbled out down my leg but it was amazing. If you get the chance go see him as his show his good. Even better if you get to take part like me!
Half way through his set he starts talking about great heckles he has heard towards himself and other comics during his time. He shows a game he has created - Top Trump Heckles! He has 5 cards with a different heckle on them and asks the audience to help him out and take a card.
SILENCE
I can see the poor guy hesitate so i stick my hand up and say I'll do it. Poor Clare, she needs to get used to me pulling this crap. Guy asks my name and what I do, he thinks I'm an actor. Not quite. Clare said it was because I looked arty farty that day, well I was at the Fringe and I might meet Tracey Emin!!!! Remember Plan A? So the guy quips a funny joke about Tesco and asks me to pick a card. I pick the Russell Crowe card but he gives me Micheal Douglas. So he cracks into his routine and I read the card. He tells a story of a guy who ran a comedy show at a rough bar and as he is telling the story I realise that he forgot to tell me when I have to heckle him so I'm trying to spot when I should shout and by the look on his face he knew he forgot to tell me too. So after a few minutes he gives me a glance and I shout fiercely - "OI FUNNY MAN, I'LL GIVE YOU £500 TO FUCK OFF BACK TO ENGLAND"
"I'm worth more than that...."
"£1000, NOW FUCK OFF"
Turns out the guy in the story put a £1000 on the table and the host took it and ran back stage. The comedians were pissed wanted the guy to give the money back so he went back gave the guy the money back and said the show was going on. These guys were pissed! So the guy ran on stage in front of this pissed off crowd and said "Here for your comedy pleasure is Jarleth Regan!"
Awesome routine and an awesome comedian. Met him at the end and he thanked me for helping him out. From there it was hotel time and catch the end of Man U - Newcastle and despite my best wishes Newcastle didn't lose.
After shower and a drink I took Clare out for dinner. She knows the best places in Edinburgh! We went to Tastes Good, Chinese in Slateford. It was amazing, I had prawns the size of my fist. After that we went to her friend Allys flat. This guy was such a laugh I can't wait to see him again, we dressed up in silly hats (mandatory in his flat apparently) and we dressed up as scientists and discussed adhesion and complex carbohydrates. All whilst drinking suitably large quantities of wine.
3 bottles later, Clare and I head out to GHQ (Gays, Homos and Queers) where she used to work. This was one nice club! Lot of money went into it. Suprisingly good music, even though it was cheesy (which made Clare happy) we still got some Daft Punk and Justice (which made me happy). After getting eyed up from some Gay pretty boys and Clare getting asked for a threesome with some Lesbians we made our move to Cabaret Voltaire. It was heaven, we drank Jack Daniels with Jager chasers and danced to Electro house till 5am. Sooooooooooo Cab Vol closed and we were off again, after talking to some people Clare knew we went to another bar, Opium, legendary Metal Bar, more Jack Daniels and Clare dancing to Metallica and we were done for the night. Went to the Grassmarket to get a Taxi and got one really easily, get the hotel and notice that a) it's 6:30am b) the sun is coming up c) it's a monday morning so all the Buisness men were up for breakfast in the hotel as we staggered in. AWESOME! I don't think we got to sleep till well after 7am, closer to 8am. Checkout was 12pm. GUTTED!
A few hours sleep and we were up to pack and get out. We were rough, really rough. We checked out amazingly on time and went to get breakfast, we found a Polish greasy spoon full of Polish builders who do not like guys in skinny jeans and patent black shoes but fuck them I was hungover and needed breakfast. 2 greasy greasy plates later and we were ready for the day. Not much of note except trying to get a cup of tea during the Fringe is impossible and if a guy dressed as death asks you if you are a shit boyfriend say no! Or he will hit you with plastic limbs. Work that one out. Oh and some guy handed Clare a leaflet and in the poshest English accent ever asked "Are you interested in laughing at all?" Indeed we were, at you!
I have about 60 pictures of the nonsense on my Facebook and my Bebo
I had an amazing time even though I came nowhere close to seeing the Tracey Emin Retrospective but I had such an amazing time with Clare and everyone else we met that I don't care!
Peace!
TRY HARDER
1 day ago
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